I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
