I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
