Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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