If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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