i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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