and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just google imaged poop.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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