I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
