I am puke
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
