that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.