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You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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