I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
me + whiskey = a bad person
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
