Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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