just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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