I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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