i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
