You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
