I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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