I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
