there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize