my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
