I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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