I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
