when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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