Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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