I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
