you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
