we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
