I look better un-naked...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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