I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
