Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
