i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
