I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
