you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
