If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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