I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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