..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
