she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
