Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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