Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
