and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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