Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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