I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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