in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
