white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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