dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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