There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
