I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
