I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
