shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
me + whiskey = a bad person
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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