im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
