I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
