I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
