how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
