help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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