i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
