is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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