Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
