i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
