just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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