youre lurking in front of me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
