I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
