home. puking in laundry basket.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
