I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
