therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
