remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
