dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
