You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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