Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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