Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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